Couples Therapy
With Sue Bates
For 45 years, I’ve worked with individuals and couples. I've seen it all and I know how to help you fix it all — you can’t surprise me!
Are you having the same argument over and over? Are you tired yet?
Do you love each other but feel more like roommates than lovers?
Have work, kids, stress, or life gotten in your way? It usually does…
Some clients feel unheard, disconnected, or unsure how to create a healthy relationship at this stage of your relationship. Others struggle with the triggers and fights they have.
I know how to help you when you’re stuck in the same relationship patterns.
Couples Come To Me For
These are some of the patterns that bring couples to me:
Feeling stuck
Recurring arguments
Living like roommates
Lost connection
Outside stress
Difficulty communicating
Less intimacy
Wanting Peace!
My focus is on giving you guidance and knowledge so you can change the relationship.
We look at what keeps pulling you apart and work on getting you back to a place where you can talk, trust each other, enjoy each other, and feel like a team again.
How Couples Therapy With Me Works
We look underneath the argument instead of getting caught up in who said what first. Together, we work to understand the patterns between you, what keeps creating distance between you, and what each person brings into the relationship. We all bring baggage, it might be cute baggage, 🧳🧳 but you need to know how to deal with yours.
At the start I also work with each person individually once or twice to understand why they pick the partners they do. Often, we're attracted to people who have negative characteristics of our early caregivers. (Crazy but true)
When YOU change, the relationship changes.
I’m a multifaceted therapist, so I pull from several approaches depending on what your relationship needs.
Approaches I Use
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Helps identify thoughts and beliefs that keep conflict going and creates more productive ways to relate .
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Explores how early caregivers influence who we're attracted to and helps you understand recurring relationship patterns. It explains why you picked your partner.
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Gives couples practical ways to improve communication and connection to help rebuild the habits that support a healthy relationship.
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Looks at desire, intimacy, individuality, and connection to help couples understand what gets lost inside long-term relationships.
The goal isn't to fix your partner. It’s to change what isn’t working between you.
Your Relationship Will Be Different
My approach to trauma therapy uses a blend of evidence — You don’t have to keep having the same argument or wonder whether the connection is gone for good. We look at what is happening underneath the conflict and work toward being kind, caring, connected, and on the same team again.
Couples Therapy With Me Gets Results
The work is about creating a healthy relationship.
“You can be right or you can be happy :) ”
My clients report:
More intimacy
The love connection for this stage of your life.
Communicating with care to create peace.
Trusting each other again
Acting like a team
Looking forward to the future
When both people understand their pattern and begin changing it, the relationship starts to feel different. And more peaceful.
“The argument is never about the argument — it’s about the pattern underneath.”
About Sue Bates
Hi, I’m Sue Bates, Therapist, Mentor, Auntie.
I’ve always known what I wanted to do, and it was this. After 45 years as a therapist, I’ve learned a lot about relationships both from my work and from being a human in relationships.
I was married at 20. He was a good guy, and I was a mess. That experience taught me a lot about what works and what doesn’t. I bring those lessons, along with decades of clinical experience, into my work with couples. Boy, that was a lot of lessons.
I’m not always a by-the-book, buttoned-up therapist. Clients tell me I keep it real. I’m quick and to the point, but people also tell me they feel heard, often for the first time. We’ll take the work seriously, but we’ll find time to laugh, too. Because we all make mistakes, we humans are pretty funny.
Outside of therapy, I love going to dinner with friends, shopping, traveling, and spending more time than I should at Nordstrom Cafe. I also have a 12-year-old Corgi named Jeri Lee. She’s stubborn and smarter than I am. I still love doing therapy after all these years. It gives me energy.
If you’re ready to take the first step and are determined to change, let’s chat.
Availability: I provide in-person therapy in Seattle, and virtual therapy via telehealth for clients across Washington.
Education, Credentials,
& Trainings
45 years of experience as a Licensed therapist
Couples therapy
CBT
IMAGO Relationship Therapy
Gottman Training
Esther Perel Theory
3 Steps To Get Started
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Fill out the contact form and tell me a little about what’s happening in your relationship.
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We’ll chat about what is going on. I’ll answer your questions about working with me. And see if we are a good match.
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We’ll look at what each person wants and needs. I give homework and guidance so you can start changing things. Ready to reconnect, communicate, and feel like a team again?