Dating, how to get a good one.

Dating a Narcissist? – Am I Dating a Narcissist?

I’m a Therapist and Coach with 40 yrs. exp.  I’m in network with Premera Blue Cross /Some Blue Shield Insurances. And Likewise insurance.

Learn about narcissists in relationships and the narcissistic dating cycle. (Yes, there is one, and it is very predictable.)

Jane comes into my office and tells me she dated a lot before she met her husband. She thought FOR SURE he was different, but low and behold, she has the same issues with him!

The men she has dated have been self absorbed, they think the know everything, they don’t listen to her needs. Oh, they seem to at first! They are so kind and pay attention. But after about 3 mos, they tune out. They also usually turn things around on her when she says she needs something…they will say things like: “You do the same thing all the time.” OR “I didn’t do that.” that is not what I said or that is not what happened.” And that, my friends is gaslighting! This is an OVERT narcissist. 

There are also people that are Covert Narcissists. They are harder to spot, They look good on paper. They help little old women cross the street. But in their subtle way, they do the same things as the overt narcissist I talk about above.

So Jane has read and read and talked to her friends and her mother and sister and the woman setting next to her on the bus.

Now, I’ll bet her husband didn’t talk to all those people and read a lot of books. What do you think? The Narc is not the one that is learning and trying to figure things out.

It’s true, may not be fair, but that’s the way it is. You can whine and gripe about it, but here is the good news:

You really can make a difference in your dating and relationships. I know you’re worried that you won’t have a healthy relationship. You can’t figure out what’s going on. But, if you change what YOU are doing, it WILL change your relationships.

Can Narcissists Love? Am I dating a Narcissist? This is for you:

• If you are tired of arguing about the same old things.

• If you want to know exactly WHY these arguments are happening.

• If you’re having the same problems in your dating relationships. (It seems like you’re dating the same guy!)

• If you want to know What you need to do NOW to change things.

• If you want to know your NEXT steps for creating a healthy relationship!

• If you want to know how to have fun dating and/or relating in your relationship.

I CAN HELP YOU to NOT date a Narcissistic person. You will learn how to spot the Narcissists early on.

In fact, I”m going to give lots of tips, homework, and tell you exactly what you need to do to change things:)

So if you’re tired and frustrated and don’t know what to do next to increase the possibility of having a good, committed relationship, then keep reading:)

I have worked face to face with 1,000′s of people as a Licensed therapists for 41 years. I work fast. I’ve walked women through their relationship and dating problems and have seen them change. They stop doing the same things and have learned HOW to have a healthy relationship. And they’ve gotten MORE of what they wanted:) ( I’m not a miracle worker:)

I will size up your behaviors quickly, tell you what you need to change in a way that is non threatening, and guide you to make the changes you need.  When you’ve been doing this as long as I have, I can tell you straight up what needs to change.

Sometimes people just need a quick way to turn things around so they don’t feel desperate and lost. Knowledge IS Power.

If you’re tired of the same old problems in your relationships, come on in and lets see what we can do to change it.

You don’t have to keep dating a narcissist.

If you want to know exactly what to change so you can stop feeling confused and blaming yourself, then this really is the best option out there.

I’ll explain how you need to change what you’re doing, in a down to earth, easy to understand way so you can leave with clear guideline on how to move forward.

People have the same arguments over and over. The same dating experiences over and over. It hurts to not understand what’s going on, it feels like you’re just stuck and just at your wits end. You hate the frustration and worry and hurt. You don’t have to be stuck, you can SEE what is going on and what you need to do to change it. Most of us just don’t know how the heck to do it.

When you get clear about why you have these same arguments over and over: how to do things differently, you feel powerful and more confident and more peaceful about it. Then you can do YOUR part with power and confidence. With wisdom in your back pocket.

Let’s just start doing relationships the right way, the way that will actually WORK. For us and for powerful role models for the girls in our lives. It will of course help the men too!

I am only able to take a few people at this time. If you’re interested, just e-mail me. We’ll have a short phone chat to see if we are a good match. I get back to you usually the same day.

Hope to talk soon and help you get free from the narcissistic men.

Sue

In a relationship…do they have the pattern?

Signs of a Narcissist

What is a Narcissistic Like?

Are you with a really selfish perosn with little concern for your happiness…or getting over one? Or gives you the silent treatment?

They may be a Narcissist…

Do you feel?

• Very confused about what happened? You go over and over it in your head and you just can’t figure it out!

• Do they say everything is your fault?

• You feel most of the time like you are not good enough?

• Like you can’t trust yourself anymore. Even in other areas of your life.

• You want to record your conversations because he denies he said things? Again, you are so confused!

• Scared to talk to him about things. If you confront him with things he has done he gets really mad at you!

• Your friends and family may really like him and not understand why you’re having such a hard time. Which makes you keep second guessing yourself. They say: “He seems like such a great guy! “He helps people out all the time.”

• Or maybe no one really likes him, but you see the good in him. You want to make this work, so you keep trying and trying…

Those are some signs of a Narcissist.

Narcissistic behavior: Covert Vs. Overt…

They are the same in a lot of ways. The covert can be really hard to spot, unless you know what to look for. They SEEM to really listen to you, to really care, they are supportive, AND they say sorry. A lot, actually. Overts pretty much never apologize.

BUT, then they say something like, “I’m just concerned about you…you seem…” And then they follow up with a negative about you. You ask them a direct question about something they said or did. And they say…”It seems like your triggers are coming out, what is that about?” It’s really sly and underhanded.

Or you have a big promotion and they get really sick. Guess you can’t celebrate, you need to take care of them.

It’s like cult leaders or pastors. They SEEM to love and care, but your intuition is saying hummmmm.

And these relationships tend to last a lot longer. 15 years or so.

Dealing with a Narcissist – I will help you…

If you are dating…I will help you spot them and see what is going on so you can stop dating these fools. They can really mess with your head.

If you have been in or are in a relationship with one now, I will help you do the grieving and be able to move on with your life when you are ready. The grieving is different when you have been with a Narcissist. And boy friends and family get tired of hearing it. “Why don’t you just move on!” They say. It’s important to talk to someone who really knows and understands what is going on. We will get your life back so you can “Be yourself.” again. And feel FREE! That is what people say when they have gone through the healing. It really does feel that way.

The way I work…

I don’t just sit and listen, I will give you information and homework so you can learn and grow…and be a powerful women again:)

I am only able to take a few people at this time. If you’re interested, just e-mail me. We’ll have a 15 min. phone chat to see if we’re a good match. I get back to you usually the same day.

Talk soon,

Sue

Therapy for Narcissistic Relationships in Seattle, WA

Sue Bates is a relationship therapist specializing in narcissistic relationships and recovering from a narcissist. Contact her today; online therapy available.

Couples therapy

Couples Counseling

Why People Come In:

• You have argued till you are blue in the face and nothing has changed.

• You talk to all your friends and they agree with YOU! But that doesn’t really solve anything, now does it?

• You have given up and there is dead silence…this will not work out well.

• You want your relationship back to when you both had fun.

• You don’t know HOW or WHAT to do to fix your relationship.

Who Gets Results From Working With Me.

• You are ready to listen to what will WORK.

• You can swallow your pride and start DOING things differently so your relationship changes.

• You can laugh at yourself. ( Newsflash.) We all are just folks and we all screw up.

• You are willing and ready to do some reading. (or audio)

Who WON’T Want To Work With Me:) Not kidding.

• People who think their mate is the ONLY person in the relationship that is screwing up. I promise you, they are not.

• People that really don’t want to change; you are just coming in with your mate cause they won’t shut up!

• You are sullen and had to be dragged in. (you’ll just leave at some point anyway) So no reason to waste your time.

• You can’t put your ego aside and listen.

• You don’t want any conflict, you just want everything to be nice and easy.

I tell you this because I really have seen a difference in which relationships get better while working with me and which don’t. If you don’t think we are a good match, there are a lot of therapists or coaches out there that will work with you, I can give you some good referrals:)

My Take On Relationships:

• I see so many people that are just miserable in their relationship. It can be worked out, IF BOTH ARE WILLING TO CHANGE.

• People often just don’t know HOW.

• If you haven’t done all you know you need to do to make it work, you will always wonder! “What if I had tried harder, done this, or that?”

• If you don’t change what you’re doing in this relationship, there will be the sane problems in the next. Don’t believe me? Think back..

• What did your past mates say that drove them cray about you? What is your mate now saying? ????

• You don’t have to stay married, I don’t believe people should stay married for the sake of the institution. There are good people out there that want to have a good, fun life with someone.

• If you have kids, it is VITAL that you do all you can to make a good relationship for your kids. Kids do best in GOOD relationships.

• If you don’t want to or can’t work it out, I don’t think divorce is off the table. Sometimes people need to divorce to be able to be better parents.

• That’s just my take on it, want to be clear up front.

How I Work:

• As you can probably tell, I am upfront and honest. I’m not mean, I just get to the point.

• I listen to each of you and see what you want and need. I teach you HOW to communicate in a way that has more likelihood of getting you what you want.

• We put it all on the table, what IS working, it’s not ALL bad. What isn’t working and what needs to change.

• I work fast, I don’t just sit and listen and hope you can figure it out. I give homework and directions so you can make the changes.

• I give support when things are hard and refer you to individual therapy if I think you need it.

So, If you want to make it better e-mail me me we will set up a phone chat and go from there. Please leave your phone number. Let’s get it done!

My Background:

I use approaches developed by several people in my work with Relationships. A few of my favorites are: Harvelle Hendrix, who developed Imago Therapy. John Gottman from the University of Washington; and Michelle Weiner-Davis. Also, Terry Real. I use what works for YOU! I don’t use just one approach. Again, my approach is very practical and respects each person’s point of view. There are specific things that can be taught to help couples have good relationships. If both people are committed to working on it, it can be good. Most people just aren’t taught the skills needed to have a good relationship; luckily, they can be taught. I do a lot of teaching in these sessions.

My Fees:

My fee is $225 a session. Sessions are 45 to 50 minutes.

I am only able to take a few people at this time. If you’re interested, just e-mail me. We’ll have a shot phone chat to see if we’re a good match. I get back to you usually the same day.

Hope to chat with you soon,

Sue